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The Wanderer's Lifeway

I've decided to call my blog The Wanderer's Lifeway (subject to change as I change). It currently suits how I feel about my place in life and on Earth; I think everyone feels this way at some point in time. I'm a wanderer, not knowing exactly where I'm going or how I'll get to where I want to be. But I've come to accept that this is the way of life, where nothing is certain.

When I reflect on this self-named identity, I feel a sense of purpose and safeness in not knowing the path my life will take. It harnesses a sense of pride and resistance against a social networking of pressure to mold oneself to a life of conformity in order to survive. What do I mean by this? Maybe only the unhappy ones can understand. I currently face the infamous oxymoron of life, where I must work at a job that weighs heavily on my dreams and ambitions in order to sustain myself, only to fall further away from achieving these goals due to discouragement and exhaustion. It becomes hard to remember the importance of living your own life all the while ensuring you have a stable income. I can't allow my happiness to be vetoed for the sake of a comfortably conformed life.

I'm aware of all of this. I've had loved ones pleading with their last breaths for me to recognize life's beauty and to not let happiness get away from me. I understand how one's ambitions can fade overtime, as years go by quicker and memories disappear. It scares me to think I'm wasting any time at all by working an hourly job where people walk all over me just so that I can get past this phase of life (if it is a phase at all). I find it funny that as a kid I resented getting older and found myself always sad on my birthday. Maybe I shouldn't laugh at my own fragile childhood, but come on, what kind of seven-year-old is upset to get cake and presents? Granted, that part was fun, however I think a part of me has always feared the unknown, but even more so, the inevitable end to every life we call death.

Now this fear has become something I face daily, affecting my life in ways that are honestly inconvenient and unhealthy. But how do you get rid of something that has always been a part of you? People say to embrace who you are, even the flaws. Are those people really just full of it —— doped up on their successful, conformed lives of security and boredom —— or did they really find the answers that I've been searching for? I've realized that I don't need to know the answers to life's mysteries, even though they're fun to explore sometimes. I think what I have to do is embrace the unknown, no matter how scary that may be, and allow myself to wander in no particular direction. It will be a life-way of zigzags and backwards somersaults, and I may get a little dizzy and confused, but I'll end up somewhere and have countless memories of adventure and exploration to embrace throughout life.

Now to put words into actions.

Wish me luck.

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